I don't know what happened to this photo, but I spent the money to send it to myself, so I will use it! I had a glorious early morning autumn run this morning. The leaves of the cottonwood trees practically glow in the sun, they are so golden.
I think I am realizing that running is a form of psychosis. In our blogging community, we have all levels of runners - we all are stellar because we go out and do this thing - but some of us are really, really good. But nearly all of us do the same things... we discount our talent, or our effort, or our abilities. We say I ONLY ran such and such. I ran 5 million miles, but I was SLOW.
I am 9 days out from my half-marathon, and although I have trained appropriately and according to plan, I am wondering WHY I am even doing this. Surely I am not good enough. Surely I am so slow that walkers will pass me and I will drag across the finish line - humiliating myself with my extreme out-of-shapeness. Surely people along the route will marvel at this overweight elderly woman out there (in a skirt yet!) trying to run a half-marathon.
I loved reading John Bingham's article in Runner's World this month - " I am not a jogger". Written in response to the inane Pearl Izumi advertising campaign - insulting runners of all levels. Isn't it silly that we have to defend this?
Forgive me for my ravings this morning. I am tired of training. I am mainly tired of the things that my mind tells me. What the hell does it matter that I am slow, or that I am not rail-thin? I am a healthy woman who is capable of going out and running 13.1 miles. That is indeed miraculous for a woman who drank too much for too long, and smoked 2 packs a day for 25 years. Who has so much hardware surgically inserted into her neck that her X-ray looks like Frankenstein!
To hell with all of it! I am going to go out and rejoice in who I am today! And thank God for it!