Friday, 5 October 2007

October 5

I don't know what happened to this photo, but I spent the money to send it to myself, so I will use it! I had a glorious early morning autumn run this morning. The leaves of the cottonwood trees practically glow in the sun, they are so golden.

I think I am realizing that running is a form of psychosis. In our blogging community, we have all levels of runners - we all are stellar because we go out and do this thing - but some of us are really, really good. But nearly all of us do the same things... we discount our talent, or our effort, or our abilities. We say I ONLY ran such and such. I ran 5 million miles, but I was SLOW.

I am 9 days out from my half-marathon, and although I have trained appropriately and according to plan, I am wondering WHY I am even doing this. Surely I am not good enough. Surely I am so slow that walkers will pass me and I will drag across the finish line - humiliating myself with my extreme out-of-shapeness. Surely people along the route will marvel at this overweight elderly woman out there (in a skirt yet!) trying to run a half-marathon.

I loved reading John Bingham's article in Runner's World this month - " I am not a jogger". Written in response to the inane Pearl Izumi advertising campaign - insulting runners of all levels. Isn't it silly that we have to defend this?

Forgive me for my ravings this morning. I am tired of training. I am mainly tired of the things that my mind tells me. What the hell does it matter that I am slow, or that I am not rail-thin? I am a healthy woman who is capable of going out and running 13.1 miles. That is indeed miraculous for a woman who drank too much for too long, and smoked 2 packs a day for 25 years. Who has so much hardware surgically inserted into her neck that her X-ray looks like Frankenstein!

To hell with all of it! I am going to go out and rejoice in who I am today! And thank God for it!

9 comments:

Wes said...

The next time I get into open water to swim, that is going to be my exact attitude. To hell with how fast or slow I am. I am going to enjoy it and be grateful to have this opportunity!

Chad in the Arizona Desert said...

“It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” -Sir Edmund Hillary

I think your life fits this nicely. To hell with what the doubters think...and I'll never buy a pair of Pearl Izumi's no matter how fast I am.

Good luck in the race.

Lisa - Slow & Steady said...

"I am going to go out and rejoice in who I am today! And thank God for it!"

Well said!!!

Randy said...

Mary....yes rejoice in God, rejoice in the fact that he's given you the ability and talent to participate in such an event...go run it for all those that can't or won't get off the couch...run it for those that don't have the ability....rejoice in the fact that you will finish, who cares about the time, the important thing is that you DID it!!!!! Something that so many others haven't done, can't do....the victory of success is yours...we are all so proud of your efforts...

Sometimes I get down on my time, but it is generally when I'm running alone...so I try to avoid that....more later..have to meet my running buddies....have a GREAT weekend!!!!

ws said...

love the picture...

amen on the sentiment of the post.

have a great weekend.

Joe said...

rejoice indeed!!! Who cares what others think?? You've done some remarkable things, and even DOING a half marathon is unthinkable to most. So, just go do it!!

Enjoy the taper week and the run!

J~mom said...

Mary, Your half marathon is the party to celebrate all of your hard work!! I love your attitude, I know you are tired, but keep hanging on these last few weeks!

Sue said...

Running and training alone can be very, well, lonely! Have you looked into joining a club? I know since I joined a jogging club it has become much more than just about running.

Debbi said...

Great sentiments, Mary. Just got back from DC, where half the runners were military and in great shape. The rest of us civilians came in all sizes and fitness levels. I was feeling pretty intimidated until I got to the course. Everyone roots for everyone else.

Hope your weather will be better – i.e., cooler, less humid – than ours was yesterday!